


Hogswatch Ritual

by Trotzkopf



Category: Discworld - Terry Pratchett
Genre: Established Relationship, Hogswatch, Kissing, M/M, Sneaking Around
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-23
Updated: 2017-12-23
Packaged: 2019-02-19 06:36:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13118109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trotzkopf/pseuds/Trotzkopf
Summary: Traditions are society’s backup plans for interesting times, and Sam is not bored.





	Hogswatch Ritual

Cool night air greeted him like an old friend when Sam Vimes stepped onto the balcony. The noises of the party were muffled out here which was a good thing because the urge to strangle someone with their own vocal cords had reached new heights tonight. The worst part was he couldn’t even go home because he was the bloody host, or rather Sybil was, but apparently his name had been on the invitations.

“They bloody breed for stupid, or what? Nobby bastards!” Vimes snarled at the night. 

He took a few deep breath before he hid out of the wind in the corner close to the wall. He took a cigar out of his tailcoat and struck a match on the butt of an ornamental cupid which had been strategically placed on the railing. Some bright spark had hung mistletoe on the granite crossbow arrow.

“Ho. Ho. Bloody ho.” Sam muttered around the cigar.

“I thought I might find you here, your Grace.” 

Vimes froze, match forgotten as he stared at the Patrician who had materialised out of thin air. 

_\- I’m looking at the doors. How did he do it? I know he was inside talking to that jumped-up, little shit.”-_

“Ouch,” he dropped the match and took the unlit cigar out of his mouth to say, “Did you need something, your lordship?” 

Vetinari seemed to think for a moment before he replied, “As a matter of fact, I do.”

Sam fought the urge to stand to attention. This wasn’t the palace where he made a point of presenting by the book. His version of the book maybe, but still by the book, which meant stand up straight, stare straight ahead and never let on what you’re really thinking. 

“What’s your opinion on traditions, Sir Samuel?” asked Vetinari as he sauntered closer. 

The question caught him by surprise, but it was hardly out of place. It was Hogswatch Eve after all. 

“Everyone needs a ritual, I suppose. It’s like the dagger in your boot. You know it’s there and from time to time you’ll need it to bring balance back when things have gotten a bit out of hand. People get on with their lives, same old, same old. But once in awhile someone gets creative and that’s when, sooner or later, people return to the familiar for reassurance that all is well. Traditions are society’s backup plans for interesting times.” 

Vetinari smiled one of his fleeting smiles. “And would you say times are interesting right now?” he asked and stepped into Sam’s personal space who refused - absolutely refused - to be intimidated. 

Vetinari was so tall, Sam had to raise his chin a fraction to maintain eye contact. He suddenly knew where this was headed. His heart thudded against his ribcage.

Vimes licked his lips and took a step forward, their noses almost touching. “I’m certainly not bored, I give you that. What are you playing at?” 

A gust of wind swirled around them. Movement caught the corner of Sam’s eye. Something was stirring in the breeze just at the edge of his vision. 

“It’s tradition,” Havelock said and leaned forward. 

Sam’s eyes widened. “What, now? You can’t be seri-“

It was a sweet, almost chaste kiss. The soft pressing of lips on lips. 

Inside, the party was in full swing now. Vimes' ears picked up the laughter, the clinking of glass, the string quartet playing a waltz. But no-one seemed to be paying any attention to the two figures outside in the shadows. Maybe they got away with it. Again. 

“Admit it you put that bloody thing there, didn’t you?” Vimes growled against Vetinari’s lips. He could feel the bastard smiling before he pulled away and without another word returned to the other guests. 

Sam glared at the spot Vetinari had occupied only a few seconds ago before his gaze was drawn to the smug looking little statue. “What are you looking at?” Vimes snarled and snatched the mistletoe off the crossbow and threw it over the balcony.

“Don’t get any ideas,” he warned Cupid one more time before he headed back into the fray.  

The End 

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Hogswatch, Discworld fandom!


End file.
